Sleeping Alone....

My friends and family have kind of come to my rescue and decided it be best if they were around to keep me busy.

I have barely had time to think and that has probably been the best thing for me.

This weekend my two best friends came out to visit. (One from Edmonton, and the other from close by). We didn't do a lot; we played cards and talked and enjoyed the wonderfullness of the horses and we avoided the crappy weather.

Despite all the company in the day the hardest part are those first few minutes you get into bed and you realize you are sleeping alone.

It kind of makes me sad about all the times I went on or joked about being pushed off the bed and now I miss it. I miss not having that body beside me, or that warmth, or just knowing that if something happened someone is right beside me to keep me safe.

I miss the sleep.

I get sad at this moment when I miss everything and it makes the sleeping very challenging. My sleep patterns are completing out of whack so now I stay up till around 2am and I am awake again at 9:30am or 10am.

I am getting very tired.

The problem is, I probably could sleep if my brain would shut off, but it won't. For now I cannot seem to get out that longing, emptyness and moment of missing him when I first get into bed.

I wish he was there beside me, but he is not.

I need to get used to sleeping alone....

Actually, I need to get used to a lot of things, that's just one that is really evident right now.