It comes in waves

Hmm...some days I am seemingly fine. Seemingly is the key---I am pretty good and putting on a happy face and being joyous when it needs to be....and sometimes I just can't.

That is where the waves of sadness comes in.

Some days I wake up and I have this feeling that what has happened this last month was meant to happen...

And other times I wake up and all i want to do is jump in my car and go back to him. I want it to be back to how it was so I don't hurt as much as I do now.

Christmas has been really hard. I managed to be seemingly happy on Christmas Day, but Boxing Day was a complete disaster. Everything I did reminded me of the memories I have had or made.

The scenery reminded me of the many days spent in Invermere; sleeping on the floor reminded me of doing that with him a month ago; going to the wild lights at the park reminded me of the zoo lights I went to with him this time last year; playing with Teka reminded me of the fun we had throwing a stick for her at the river; and going to the ski hill reminded me of the passion he has for doing that sport.

It was very, very hard.

I have, like all challenges, survived and now I am back at my dads. He was gifted with twin lambs born Christmas Day and so now I can go and play with them as well as the dog and horses to help me heal.

Animals seem to know when you are hurting and they are very compassionate and loving beings and it is nice. It is nice to not have to talk or put on a happy face and know that they are going to stand by you no matter what.

Today I am doing ok....just ok. When I woke up I had a very strong urge to E-mail him, but I knew I shouldn't. And so I haven't.

Instead I will stick my nose into writing cover letters & resumes because I desperately need a job.

Jobbbbbb....

If anyone ever sees/knows or is a person who can help me with a PR/Media/Communications job please let me know!!!

It would be greatly appreciated.