It has been exactly a month to the day that I packed up my stuff and drove back to my dads.
It has been a ridiculously hard month, one that has tested my strength, sanity and heart.
Much has happened, and though more days than not are really difficult, every so often i get a very short glimpse that makes me feel like something amazing is going to happen for me soon.
I am starting to realize that every decision I now make should be in the best interest of me. I am no longer making a decision or being part of a decision that may hurt or benefit two people.
I have been able to gain some of my sanity back by spending a lot of time with the animals. In the horse world, they often say that horses have a sixth sense. I think they do...
I spent a lot of time this past month with my horses. All of whom are very young and often very high strung. When I was in there company they were docile and plodded along knowing that at any second I might just need something to lean on.
We have also had lambs born. Three sets of twins. One set born when I was away on Christmas Day and the other two this week. I have been spending the rest of my time making sure they are alright. I like helping them. When I know they are happy and healthy I feel much better. When they are okay, it makes me feel a little bit more okay every day.
Yesterday I turned town a request for a job interview. It was a job in Calgary--yes, working as a public relations/communications coordinator, but the job was only for 3/4 time---30 hours a week. With student loans and the cost of living high in Calgary I would only be breaking even, and that's not what I am looking for. I am looking for a job that is perfect for me. A job where I will fit in perfectly.
I'm learning a lot about myself through all of this. I'm learning about what I want and what I need and what makes me happy.
I'm hoping the steep, steep slope that was leading my into a deep, dark hole will soon turn up and I will head towards the light.
For now, I will continue to make lemonade out of all of the lemons I have been dealt.
Oh, P.S---I am once again snowed in. We have had about 20cm of snow fall overnight--and another 15cm is estimated to fall today....
JOY!